Thursday, June 21, 2007

A Day of Slight Mourning

It has been a sad day for me. After doing everything I could handle to get nursing well-established with Caleb, I am waving the white flag of surrender. He is developing a strong preference for being bottle-fed, and I have tried for over a week now to convince him otherwise. Unfortunately, the things that I can do to change his mind are things I am either incapable of doing time-wise or emotionally.

So I'm going to take some time to be disappointed.

I wanted to develop the physical closeness with you, Caleb, that I missed with Katy. I'm glad to have had it for a while, but I still had hopes for more.

I'm sorry that I won't be able to give you "nature's perfect food" for much longer, but I promise we'll feed you. :)

I'm sorry, Katy, that you have had to see Mommy cry sometimes during the past few days. Thank you for trying to make me feel better. I hope you're not permanently scarred. :)

Lastly, I am sorry for my own unmet expectations.

Ok. A few tears, and I am going to practice the well-known good mommy trait of going with the flow. Caleb is fine, and I will be...eventually.


Carrie said...

Hugs....I too was not meant to nurse my son. I tried my darndest for about 2 months...but by the time I went back to school at 3 months it was not meant to be. My cousin made the decision not to nurse at all and we were laughing last weekend about how we have chubber sons. I hope in time you and Caleb have other bonds. Hugs for a great weekend.

B,P,R,S & L said...

So proud of you!! Went through the same emotions a couple weeks ago,but am loving the happier baby and therefore I am a happier mama. Hopefully I can keep the pumping up until the end of July. hugs and kisses to all!!

Amanda at Double Stitching said...

Sigh. I'm sorry things didn't work out with nursing for you. I love the part about going with the flow, though...that pretty much says it all!

kristenlea47 said...

Well, I know you're not alone. My sister had a problem getting Isaak to latch on, and then she ...well, for lack of better words- dried up. However, You will still bond with your son. I love you! And I admire you for being able to be so vulnerable to us all!

Romanava said...

You're definitely not alone. I cried many a night about not being able to nurse Ava and I felt like a complete loser of a mother. But I think you were one of the first ones to send me a message of encouragement and it helped. Seems like Katy turned out just fine and Ava is such a happy & healthy baby so it all turned out well. Have as many good cries as you need but remember the most important thing you can give Caleb is your love and even that beats the touted super magical powers of breastmilk.

Anon said...

You'll be okay wonderful momma. I had that problem with my son too and I felt so guilty about it.

Keetha Broyles said...

I know you really wanted to continue nursing - - - and I'm sure your mother's heart is grieving over this. BUT - - - just keep loving your two little ones and caring for them. The MOST important rule in parenting is L - O - V - E. And you are doing that beautifully!!!